hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
