I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
