I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my shit smells like andre
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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