and my herpes radar will keep us safe
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
