Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
