apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
