I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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