My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
