Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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