I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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