Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
