awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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