At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
