So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
