Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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