I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
