Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
