I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
