it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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