drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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