So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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