when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
