I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
