3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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