i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
