I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
