you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
