Umm I'm too high to move.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
