she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
