The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
