All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
