I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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