Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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