dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
