weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
