She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
