my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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