I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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