She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
