i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
