it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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