don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i think my cat just said my name.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
