Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
