i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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