Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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