I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
