he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
