i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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