...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize