i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
