so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I did not marry a roomba.
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