i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
