I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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