Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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