So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
