you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
