Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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