That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dating After Heartbreak
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have