The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
