she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.