Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
