I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.