So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
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Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
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Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.