I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
