Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
