I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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