I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
