somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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