he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
