he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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