Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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