how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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