You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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