question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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