I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
