I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize