why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
