omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
