I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
