doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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