This is not my ceiling
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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