i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This is my gift to your gina
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
