grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Randomize
