You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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