Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
