OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
