i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
