After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
