THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
