i think my tv is drunk
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
