I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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