I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
