I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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