community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
