did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
