so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
